08 March 2011

Day Twenty-Eight: The Hard Stuff Continues

Today was another day when the hard stuff just kept coming.

I spent the day trying to be thankful, two things weighing heavy on my heart. I’m trying to see the good that could come from this bad. I do see the good that can come from some of it, but the bad is so overwhelming, and I wonder if the good is even worth it in the end.

I feel so alone right now, so useless. All I can see is what I don’t have, and that she took my daddy from me. I don’t want to hate anybody, even those that hurt me. I cannot shake the anger for what she did and how he had to pay for it, how we had to pay for it. He is very sick and I can’t even be with him.

Reminders come sometimes in the most unlikely ways. I was waiting at the airport tonight during my son’s meeting and my husband turned on the radio. The girls knew the song immediately and started singing. I just listened. It was Michael Jackson singing, but it was my daddy - and my Father - that I heard, that I felt.

“You are not alone. I am here with you. Though you’re far away, I am here to stay. But you are not alone, I am here with you. Though we’re far apart, you’re always in my heart. You are not alone.”

It was a hug from my daddy and from my Father, together their arms around me. I dissolved into a pool of tears…

28. I am thankful for reminders that come seemingly out of the blue, reminding me of what I have always had and will always have. My daddy and my Father love me and that will never change. They will always be with me.

One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are

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