09 March 2011

Day Twenty-Nine: Heart Songs

I have always loved music, loved to sing. I developed this love of music as a little girl in the Pentecostal Holiness and Church of God churches. I felt so alive there!

Due to some early, harsh criticism of my singing voice, I learned that it was better if I either just kept quiet or sang when no one else was around. Over time, I just started singing in my head. While the song didn’t cross my lips, it never really left my heart. There were times, however, I just couldn’t hear it anymore. This isn’t one of those times.

My daddy is in the hospital one thousand miles away, hooked up to something called a B-PAP machine. It is my understanding that this is some type of breathing machine. His lungs are filled with fluid.

This takes me back to the day that I was last with my maternal grandpa. He was totally consumed with cancer. The hospice workers were draining his lungs as fast as they could, but still grandpa, in all reality, drowned in his bed. It was awful. I had never been with a person at the moment of death before. I was twenty-six years old.

A song came to mind that day and was brought back to my mind after hearing of my daddy’s illness. It is “Grandpa” by The Judds. A friend suggested that I might find the song on Pandora Radio. I did. I listened. I cried. That song has always gotten to me.

I left the radio on while I while I did a web search and wasn’t expecting what came next through my headset. “Daddy’s Hands” started playing. This has always been a heart-grabbing song for me, too. There are so many parallels in this song. I can’t help but apply it, not only to my daddy, but even more so to my Heavenly Father.

The line “his hands weren’t always gentle, but I grew to understand, there was always love in daddy’s hands” is true of our Heavenly Father. There are things that He allows to come into our lives, things that are so hurtful that we can’t understand how a loving Father would let them happen. Why doesn’t He save us from the pain?

We cannot see it at the time, but He is there protecting us. Without His protection, without His arms around us, these things would be harder, if not impossible, to face.

When you’re scared, when you’re lonely, when the weight of the world is just too much, whose arms do you want to run to?

29. I am thankful that, no matter what, my daddy loves me and is there for me. While distance prevents me from running to my daddy, My Father is there to hold me through the hurt. I thank Him for second chances and forever healing.

One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are

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